Bipolar Depression

I have a 24 year old daughter that is bipolar, and she is all about "her". She does not mind putting everyone else out, as long as she gets her way it seems. But on the other hand, she does not expend much energy doing for anyone else! She constantly wants me to do for her, calls me at work wanting me to leave so she can use my car, which is a hassle sometimes for me. Then she leaves it up to me to get her child off the bus, so I have to walk down to get her, as she has my car...I think not! Then she is angry at me! Also I told her I cannot afford to keep financing and loaning her and her husband money. His mom even moved in there to help with finances, and they still are short! I am beginning to question where the money goes...and thinking it might not be good. Also They got a lovely chunk from taxes, are dirt poor really, crappy car etc, and what do they do? Buy a $1000 big screen tv, and a computer!!!!!! Then the next week both of their vehicles break down! I told them they need to learn how to save...but it's like it burns a hole in their pocket. I am angry...advice for a very upset mom?

My daughter is 28 and has bipolar and very similar personality. It's only give-give-give to her...
Besides she has been blaming me for Everything including her illness. She is a smart lady finishing her Masters degree, but emotionally she is like an early teenager.

It's absolutely doesn't matter how much I do trying to do my very best to help her. Nothing is enough. I just received the most ugly email letter from her out of a blue. Blame, blame, blame...

And you know what? After 9 nightmarish years of struggle, extreme helplessness and disappointment, I am giving up.

As terrible as it sounds, sometimes to give up is the right thing to do. Any relationship is bidirectional. If her choice is not to be somewhat decent and respectful to me, then I am helpless and I give up.

She is married, so she is not alone. I will definitely help her in case of crisis but otherwise ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Thanks for your response. I guess I have my answer then. I did the same thing you did. I sent her an e-mail (because I cannot have a rational and calm conversation with her). I told her I am finished bailing her out financially, and also will not support them as far as coming back to live in my home. I suggested drug rehab to her, and she sent the e-mail back very angry, which I expected. It is all about her...no matter how much it puts anyone else out. I am in fact raising her 8 year old daughter, and have all her life. I am like you...I give up after 8 years of dealing with her drama. Keep in touch. My e-mail address is dfcatfish@yahoo.com

Yes! I think intense self-focus is a built-in component of BP. My daughter rarely registers other people's needs, they just don't seem to hit her radar. I think it's because her own experiences are so INTENSE due to BP that it blocks other people out. She's got all she can handle (and more at times) just with her own needs.

I've done the same thing as you. Set limits! I have decided I DEMAND a certain level of courteous treatment and will not interact if I don't get it. I also won't be enticed into a battle, I simply withdraw. I've discovered that when she is stressed she will often incite a battle just to vent. But I won't participate. It's helping. She seems to want Mom's presence and does make some effort to restrain herself. (Not always!)

My 27 year old daughter acts the same way. Unfortunately, 2 years ago she had to return home and now lives with us. She gets SSI and works part time. Yesterday, I had to have her committed to the hospital.
My husband and I are worn out. Is there any way to get assisted housing for those with BD? Know any good starting sources?

I understand what you mean about the anger. I received a call from her while here at work. She wants to know if I have the things she requested (clothes, toiletries, etc. We were unprepared for admittance.) I replied I would bring after work and visit. I was told just to drop them off. She doesn't want to see me. I know it's the BD, but it still hurts. I can't wash my hands of her.

My son is bipolar...and bipolar disorder is the specialty of the PhD I am trying to complete. Grandiosity is typical in a bipolar individual who is manic or hypo-manic. On the other side, self absorbtion and hypersensitivity show up in depression. Know that doesn't make things easier.
What I did find with my son, when he was demanding, seemingly thoughtless, and sometimes exasperating is that huge amounts of reassurance helped. I started to think about how he was seeing things. I thought about how sensitive he is, how hyperly connected he is to me, and how when he was feeling bad, I was suppose to fix it. So, I started flooding him with reassurance...I would tell him how much I enjoy spending time with him, how big hearted he was, how I connected I am to him, what a precious human being he is.....on and on. This seemed to do alot to sooth him. I was very pleased by the results...it gave me breathing room and I started looking at him in a different more positive way. Bipolar kids seem to be consumed with worry, they are in pain, they hate themselves-feel that other's hate them and can lash out while in that pain.