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I have a 22-year-old daughter who was diagnosed bipolar when she was 13 years old. She has a beautiful 2-year-old daughter who I have practically raised since birth. My daughter has been in and out of the hospital many times, even been arrested a couple of times for domestic battery as she tends to get very violent, mainly towards me. She had been off her meds since the time she became pregnant as her psychiastrist said she could not take them during pregnancy. Actually, she admitted to me later that she had quit taking them about a month prior to becoming pregnant. She was amazing during pregnancy - the person that I knew was always inside of her! But no matter how hard I hoped and prayed, it did not last. For the past year, I watched her start going downward, all the while pleading, begging and even fighting with her to go back on her meds. She refused. Then the 20-month court battle she had been in with her baby's father finally went to trial. My daughter was fighting for sole custody among other things. As the attorneys that I hired for my daughter put it, "it couldn't have gone worse for Colleen if she had run away with the child to Alaska." My daughter ended up getting joint custody with the baby's father while the baby's father got everything he asked - as well as things he didn't ask for! My daughter got residential custody "as long as she didn't interfere with the father's visitation." The baby's father had said on a number of occasions that he really didn't care about the baby - he just wanted to take time away from my daughter. He also had some mental issues. The worst part was he had no good family support. His mother at one time had told me that marijuana should be legalized and she smoked it herself. She had no problem with her own children smoking it. His father and stepmother also smoked it and condone underage drinking "as long as nobody was driving." Well, my daughter spiraled downhill extremely quickly falling the 3-day trial. It finally came out that she had quit her job (or was she fired like the other times?), and ended up getting evicted from her apartment. I was at that time able to convince her to get back on her medication. This was a month ago. Unfortunately, she only took it intermittently. She would use her meds against me when she got angry. Because of course, all of her problems were my fault. Her daughter, by this time, had been living with me and my husband for approximately the last 9 months. Since birth, the child had lived with us off and on, but even when she didn't, I cared for her everyday. I arranged my work schedule so that I could be home to care for her while my daughter went to work. I found out that my daughter was hanging out with very unseemly people (gangbangers) and was getting high on marijuana. When my daughter got evicted from her apartment, I did not allow her to live with me. As always, she would come to my house in the morning to take care of her child when I went to work. Now, she was allowed to stay at my house up until the time that I went to bed, but she chose to leave as soon as I got home. Six days ago, it all came to a head when my daughter became very violent with my son (her brother) and my husband (her stepfather). The police were called and I told them to take her to the hospital. They did and she was admitted. As my daughter is fully aware of the HIPPA laws, she would not give permission for me to know anything about her medical status. I did get called in for a family meeting with her and the hospital social worker. Essentially, the social worker, with my daughter present, told me that if Colleen chose that upon discharge to leave with her daughter, that I had to let her go. Colleen's plan was to get back with the baby's father and they were going to live presumably with his mother along with the baby. The social worker said that I had to let go and that I had to let her fall; that I was an enabler and I had to let go. Well it happened today. My daughter was discharged and she came to my house very angry. She argued with me extensively all the while packing the baby's things and telling me I would never see either of them again. The baby's father came and picked them up. My daughter and the baby's father have always had a very volatile relationship; they each at separate times had taken out orders of protection! I cannot stop crying. I see nothing but horrible things ahead for both my daughter and my granddaughter. Why is so important that I let my daughter fall? Why is it okay to let my granddaughter fall with her? This is what I want to know. Why have I been told over and over again that I can't allow my daughter to live with me? I'm her mother! She is sick! Would all of these people be telling me this if she had cancer? I will never forgive myself if my worst fears come to light. Do any of you have adult children who are bipolar? What do you do? How do you handle the crises? What am I supposed to do? I have no idea when I will see or talk to my daughter and granddaughter again. I am so scared and lost.
My daughter is 18 and has been diagnosed Bipolar 1 by multiple professionals. It's terrifying and she inflicts so much damage on those around her.
I am learning to let/force my daughter to make her own decisions. Otherwise she turns on me and focuses her anger over her problems on me. It sounds like your daughter uses you as a scapegoat, too. So even though I'm afraid of the consequences of her bad choices I've realized I can't really influence her - it turns into a power struggle. And then she does what she's going to do anyway after much drama/trauma between the two of us. Does that make sense?
Maybe the real good you can do is for your grandbaby. Maybe if you are vigilant to document things you can get custody and rescue her?
Very best wishes. (I hope I'm not sounding know-it-all here, I'm forging ahead day-by-day with less confidence that putting thoughts on paper implies. )
A lot of times, those who don't adhere to their medications have difficulty accepting thier diagnosis because of the way the diagnosis is presented to them, and the way it is shown to them in the hospital, when they are in the hospital.
If the deppression is ineffectively treated, it leads to one thing, not taking medication because all forms of human joy and normal emotional are squelched. May as well be a tin can rather than a human being because thats what life feels like.
Better to live with the mania, where you can still feel alive, than feel like an old tin can wrotting away in the dump somewhere.
Patients diagnosed bp loose everytime when the depression isnt handled because they wont adhere to the meds and quite frankly, who wants to feel like crap all the time with no hope?
The other situations you mentioned are due to the fact that an person diagnosed bp whom is unmedicated or improperly medicated tends to operate at a much lower emotional age than is their actual chronological age.
This is why the erratic spending and the priorities in finances are not that of her chronological age but moreso of someone in their teens.
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