Alzheimer's

In July I will be moving from Alabama to San Diego (my husband must stay here to prepare our home for sale and take care of adult demented child). My husband is my rock. I had to quit my job. The owner of the company was the best man I ever worked for. This is just background to explain my fears.
My mother and 2 sisters live in San Diego but both have full time jobs and young children. They began to argue over mom and are not speaking. After months of soul searching I decided I would go stay with Mom since she refuses to move and does not know that anything is wrong with her. She forgets within 5 minutes anything that happened or was said, she's changed from sweet to mean and her hygene is decling fast. How should I approach her so that she is not upset? How do I avoid snapping at her (she knows ALL of my buttons). Anything you can tell me will be soooo appreciated. Thanks.

Hi KC,
She knows all your buttons. How familiar. I hear that a lot. The hygiene thing, the memory, both common in dementia. I think it's unrealistic to think she won't be upset at all. It's kind of you to leave so much and go to be with her; it's natural to have her want you there. But dementia (and family history) can be so unfair. If you do move to live with your mom, you'll need to learn how to detach from her mean times and not take it personally. You'll have to work on not letting her push your buttons. Often, if you don't respond (very easy to say and hard to do) then she will move on to something else. Because it's likely your reaction that she is looking for. It's good that you are looking outside for help. Check with the Area Agency on Aging (you can find one in your mother's area by going to eldercare.gov) and see if they have advice on how you can get some respite care, so you can have time to yourself. You must take care of yourself. It's what your mother would want if she were able to think properly. Reach out for help and keep writing. Knowing others understand your load can lighten the burden a bit.